A Faith-Building Preoperative Appointment

My husband, Kirk, and I had to go to New Have to Yale University since my surgeon was located there. My internist had told me that this surgeon was amazing. "She's the best of the best," she bragged.

When my surgeon stepped into the room, she exuded confidence. She whipped out a little booklet and went over basic thyroid information with me and pointed out that I had a multinodular goiter (lump). The Yale pathology team had also read my slides, but instead of being "suspicous" they read the slides as being "indeterminant." My surgeon informed me that this meant they didn't know what those nodules were. They didn't fall into the category of being cancer, but they didn't fall into the normal cell category either. I told her that I had been having some pain associated with my thyroid and that there was pressure against my trachea as well. She gave me an examination where she felt my neck and watched me swallow some water. After all was said and done, she told me that she basically would recommend a complete thyroidectomy. She proceeded to tell me all about the risks of the surgery. However, in her hands, she pointed out, those risks were slim to none. It sounded like the only lifestyle change I would have to make after the surgery was that I'd have to take thyroid hormone for the rest of my life. I felt like the appointment was really informative and that there was a plan in place. Kirk and I returned home optomistic.

Over the next few days I went from dismissing the initial set surgery date to accepting the fact that I would need a total thyroidectomy. For the remaining weeks before my surgery, I still tried to figure out exactly how I could get out of it. Believe me, I was not excited, especially since I had not found a way to escape this darn surgery. I had to leave my house, my two beautiful babies and drive an hour away to a hospital where a doctor would literally slice my throat.

God was right there with me though. My Aunt Cinty had given me a little booklet she had made when she had breast cancer. It had all different verses in it and I clung to that little booklet. I kept it by my bedside, read it when I was nursing Claire, looked at in the morning when I first woke up...I even found a favorite:

Luke 22:31-32
"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."

God knew, and continues to know, exactly what he's doing. My mom kept reminding me that this experience was all about faith-building. God was making me depend on Him - not on myself, not on Kirk or mom or even on my doctors - I had to depend on Him. I definitely felt like I was being "sifted" - my whole life seemed to be falling apart. But, God's promises were steadfast and I prayed that my hope would continue to be in Him. There were so many fears that I had heading into the surgery, sometime they'd make me even physically sick. But, fear is a lack of faith, I kept reminding myself, and I would stop and pray and meditate on God's word.

The surgery date was rapidly approaching and before I knew it, Kirk and I were headed back to Yale.